Karen's Sasquatch
by Aelysa
Summary: Karen and David Michael become obsessed with the idea of proving Bigfoot is real and becoming rich and famous. Will Karen's scheming ruin a family vacation? Third in a series of Little Sister parodies
1. Seeking Sasquatch

Chapter One

Seeking Sasquatch

It was a warm Friday afternoon in July. I had just started my month at the big house the day before. I was sitting on the couch in the playroom with my stepbrother David Michael. It was time for our favorite new television show _Seeking Sasquatch._ It is about a team of experts who are hunting down a legendary giant ape called bigfoot also known as sasquatch. They never find any sasquatch and I am not sure if they are real but it is gigundo exciting.

Who am I? I am Karen Brewer. I am seven years old and so is David Michael but enough about that now. If you do not already know all about me I promise you will soon.

"This week on Seeking Sasquatch: The team heads to the Cascade mountains of Washington state to investigate a string of sightings in rural Lewis County including some intriguing video footage shot by a family on a day hike." The opening voice over had begun and we were hooked as we started watching the show.

When the first commercial came on, I asked David Michael, "Do you think that maybe they will find a sasquatch this week? That video clip was very convincing."

David Michael shook his head, "I hope so but I do not think they will. These guys are like the boy who cried wolf. They keep saying they will a sasquatch but they never do."

"You are right but I keep hoping," I was quiet then because the show was back on.

David Michael and I were peacefully watching the show for the next several minutes. It was getting to an exciting part where the team was having an overnight camping trip by the trail the family had taken the video on when Andrew burst into the room.

"Hello David Michael. Hello Evil Karen," Andrew said in the most loud and obnoxious voice possible.

"Andrew be quiet. The show is getting to a good point," I hissed at him.

Andrew ignored me and went over to the toy box and got out a pile of blocks. He began stacking as noisily as he could. David Michael and I tried to ignore him which is really all anyone can do with Andrew lately. Andrew thinks I am mean and evil and does not believe I have reformed. Everyone else believes me but Andrew refuses to. Every time Andrew says something to me I do feel evil and very tempted to go back to my old ways. I made a deal with Mommy though.

When a commercial came on again, David Michael stood up. "I am heading to the bathroom, Karen. I will be back in a minute. Andrew could you please try to be quiet while I am gone?"

Andrew laughed in a mean way, "No I am sorry but I cannot do that."

After David Michael had left the room. I walked over to Andrew. I got up in his face and did an animal growl, "Stop being mean to me or evil Karen really will come back. I want to be nice."

"No you do not, Karen. I am going to be the first one to catch you being mean and tattle on you." Andrew smiled.

I did my animal growl again and was about to pounce on him when David Michael came back in. I winked at Andrew then sat back down on the couch with David Michael. Andrew got a book out and started quietly reading it.

The show ended without bigfoot being located. The team was convinced based on the evidence that there were sasquatches there. Boo and bullfrogs. They did not convince me or David Michael. We sat feeling disappointed for a moment.

"I am starting to think bigfoot is just a big, fat lie," I grumbled to David Michael.

"Or else they are just not looking hard enough." He answered.

I had an idea, "Maybe we can find a sasquatch. We are certainly smarter than they are. We could get rich and famous."

He looked confused, "How would we do that Karen? There are no sasquatches here as far as I know. They always go to the mountains on the show. Or to the deep forest somewhere."

"There might be some here. We can look on the internet," I ran out of the room to the office where Daddy's computer was. David Michael was right behind me.

We did a Google search for 'bigfoot sightings in Connecticut'. It was very disappointing. We could not find more than ten recorded sightings in the last 150 years and none of them were in Stoneybrook.

"See Karen? I do not think we will find bigfoot here. He is only in the wilderness." David Michael whined.

"We need to get to the wilderness. Then we can find him," Anything that meant I might get rich and famous I was willing to do.

"How are we going to get to the wilderness?" David Michael asked. "It is a million miles away from here."

I was not sure, "I will think of something."

Just then we heard the sounds of Andrew laughing in the hallway. We peeked out and were very confused by what we saw. Andrew and Emily Michelle were there. Andrew was wearing a pair of spiderman underwear and nothing else. Emily was wearing a pink princess pull-up and nothing else.

Andrew was singing in a loud voice, "I've got ants in my pants. Oh I've got ants in my pants."

Emily giggled, "Ants pants."

Andrew was doing a little dance where he was shaking his bottom and waving his arms in the air. It was not as good as the sweater pants dance and it was a million times more annoying.

David Michael asked, "Uh Andrew, where are your pants?"

Andrew laughed, "Oh hi David Michael. Hi Evil Karen. I was bored after you guys left the playroom and decided to teach Emily my ants in your pants dance. We sung this song at preschool. I made up a dance for it but Miss Jewel would not let me do it at school so I am doing it at home."

I rolled my eyes, "I can see why she would not let you do it at school if it involves not wearing pants."

"Quiet Karen. I have spied on you doing the sweater pants dance lots of times and I know mine is better." Andrew went back to dancing.

"David Michael? Karen? Andrew? Emily?" I heard Kristy calling us.

"What is it?" I yelled back.

Kristy came down the hallway to where we were, "Indoor voice, Karen. It is lunchtime. Where are your clothes, Andrew and Emily? Come on and I will help you both get dressed. Karen and David Michael go and wash your hands to eat.

David Michael and I went to the hall bathroom to wash our hands. While I was waiting for him to be done at the sink, I had a brilliant idea. "David Michael, I know how we can search for bigfoot."

"How Karen?" He put some soap on his hands and started scrubbing.

I waited while he started rinsing the soap off, "My daddy is a millionaire. We can ask him to take us on a vacation to wherever we want."

He wiped his hands on a towel, "Karen, you are greedy. We cannot just ask him to take us on vacation so we can look for bigfoot. That is really inconvenient to everyone in the family too. Only we want to go."

After that he left the bathroom and I started washing my hands. I just knew I could convince Daddy to take us on a trip to search for bigfoot. Being Karen Two Two has some advantages after all.


	2. Rich Daddy, Poor Mommy

Chapter Two

Rich Daddy, Poor Mommy

I bet you are all wondering what Karen Two-Two is. Well it is me. You see once upon a time my mommy and daddy were married and we all lived in the big house. It was just me, Andrew, Mommy and Daddy.

Then Mommy and Daddy started to fight and they decided they did not love each other anymore. They still loved Andrew and me but they got a divorce.

Mommy married my stepfather Seth and now they live in a little house in what I once heard Daddy scream at Mommy on the phone is the seedy side of town. I am not sure what that means but I think it just means poor. I am pretty sure that is also what he meant when I eavesdropped on him laughing to Elizabeth that Mommy married down in the world. At the little house I have Mommy, Seth and my little house best friend Nancy.

At the big house I have Daddy, my stepmother Elizabeth, my stepbrothers Sam, Charlie and David Michael, my stepsister Kristy, my adopted sister Emily and Elizabeth's mother Nannie. Also my other best friend Hannie lives in the big house neighborhood.

Andrew and I spend one month at each house then we switch. At Daddy's house, we are rich and live in mansion and get a big allowance. At Mommy's house, we are poor and live in a shack and get a smaller allowance.

I joined my family for lunch. Today it was just Kristy who was babysitting us and then David Michael, Andrew, Emily Michelle and me. Kristy had made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, apple slices, carrot sticks and chocolate milk. It looked very good.

"Kristy, I have the best idea," I wanted someone to support my idea for asking Daddy to take us on vacation.

Kristy gave me a wary look which I did not think was fair at all. She should give my ideas a fair chance even if they have gotten me in trouble before. "What is it Karen?"

"Well you know how David Michael and I have been watching _Seeking Sasquatch_?" I ignored David Michael's groan and eye roll.

"Um yes Karen?" Kristy started filling Emily's sippy cup with more milk.

"I think it would be great if we asked Daddy to take us on vacation to somewhere that we can look for sasquatches. It would be so much fun." I said it as quick as I could before she could interrupt me.

Kristy shook her head, "Karen we cannot just ask him to take us on vacation. It is very greedy. Let your dad and my mom decide if we go on vacation. You know that money does not grow on trees."

David Michael chimed in, "Yes I agree with Kristy. I like learning about sasquatches and think it is interesting they might be real but I do not think it is polite to ask if we can go on a trip to find one."

Well boo and bullfrogs. I stuck out my lower lip and frowned. I felt like my whole summer was ruined. I wanted to throw a tantrum but Andrew had a smirk on his face and I knew he just wanted to prove me wrong. I was not going to let Andrew get the best of me. I sighed and started eating a sandwich.

Emily popped the lid off her sippy cup and dumped it on herself, "Emmy all wet!"

Kristy sighed, "Oh Emily… Come on and I will get you changed."

Andrew laughed once Kristy had left the room, "Evil Karen foiled again."

"Karen has been really trying to be nice. I have not seen her do anything evil or mean since you got here yesterday, Andrew." David Michael informed him.

I smile gratefully at David Michael for sticking up for me. Andrew stuck his tongue out at me. "You did not live with her for the last month, David Michael. All you have done since we got here is watch that stupid bigfoot show so you have not seen her in action."

"It is my new favorite show so there is nothing wrong with watching it." David Michael told him.

Andrew laughed which hurt my feelings. I decided to ignore him. I finished my sandwich and cleaned up my spot. I rinsed my plate and put it in the dishwasher. I then left the kitchen before Andrew could say anything else.

David Michael was right behind me, "Sorry about Andrew, Karen."

"It is okay. It is not your fault." I tried to say it quiet in case Andrew was listening.

"Karen, I have some books about bigfoot. I went to the library with Kristy and Emily Michelle last week and found them. Want to see them?" David Michael asked me.

Before I could answer him, Andrew ran out of the kitchen, "You guys are being really sneaky. I am going to tell Kristy."

Just then Kristy came down the hallway, "Tell me what, Andrew?"

"Karen and David Michael are whispering and being sneaky in the hallway," Andrew whined.

"What is going on?" Kristy looked at David Michael and I.

David Michael glared at Andrew, "I was just telling Karen about the bigfoot books I got at the library. I do not think there is anything sneaky about that.

"No there is not anything sneaky if that is really all you are doing." Kristy told him.

"It really is." I told her.

"That is fine then. Andrew, Emily is down for a nap. I think you need a short one too. Come on with me. I will read you a story." Kristy took his hand.

Andrew yanked it away, "I think I am too big for a nap. I am already four years old."

Kristy shrugged, "Well a rest then. A short quiet time will be fine, Andrew."

Andrew sighed loudly, "Fine Kristy but you had better keep an eye on those two sneakies."

Andrew followed Kristy down the hall and they went up the stairs to his room. I looked at David Michael, "I am ready to see the books."

"Come on. They are in my room." David Michael told me.

We ran up the stairs. I could hear Andrew whining in his room at Kristy still but I ignored him. In David Michael's room he had all the library books stacked on his desk. I took one called _Bigfoot: Myth or Reality. _It had a picture on the cover of a shadowy figure standing in a dark forest. It looked gigundo interesting. David Michael sat on his bed and I sat on the floor on his bean bag chair. He had a book called _Land of the Sasquatch. _ It had a photograph on the cover of a snow capped mountain range with forests below. Just the perfect place for a sasquatch to hide. If they were real of course.

David Michael and I read quietly for a long time. We took a short break when Kristy made us a snack of wheat thins and string cheese but otherwise we read all afternoon. Reading the books made me want to go find a sasquatch more than ever. David Michael and I were practically experts now.

We were still reading at 5 pm when Elizabeth, my stepmother and David Michael's mother, called us for dinner.

Before we went downstairs I looked at David Michael, "We just have to find a way to go on a sasquatch hunt now."

"I really want to Karen but I do not know how we can." David Michael frowned.

"Do not worry. I will think of something. I am the queen of good ideas." I really do come up with good ideas. Some of them like shoplifting Club G and inventing my own religion get me in trouble but they are still good ideas. I knew I would think of something to get us to our goals.


	3. Daddy's Surprising Announcement

Chapter Three

Daddy's Surprising Announcement

At dinner, my whole big house family sat around the table. Everyone was home including Sam and Charlie. Sam and Charlie are often gone because they both got summer jobs. Sam mows lawns for people around our neighborhood and Charlie bags groceries at the store. They make a lot of money. If it was me I would use it all on toys and candy but Charlie is saving his money for college and Sam is saving his for a car when he turns sixteen. I think that is so boring. I would use the money to buy things at Club G. At least I would have used it before I got a lifetime ban from there. Now I would use it to find bigfoot.

We had grilled chicken and roast potatoes with a side salad. I cut my chicken up and dipped it in ketchup. I think that is a very delicious way to eat chicken. No one else in my family agrees but they are meanie mos.

Big house dinners are pretty noisy with everyone talking. We did not hear Daddy talking until he banged his fork on his glass and yelled, "Quiet please!"

Well that got everyone's attention and we were all quiet. Daddy cleared his throat. "I have an announcement to make."

Oh goody. I hoped it was a Surprising Announcement like those my teacher Ms. Colman makes. Those are always good things like field trips and class parties.

We all waited for Daddy to continue, "I have been thinking about our family vacation. We all know the economy has not been as good as it once was so we cannot do anything extravagant."

I sighed. I do not know what extravagant means exactly but I think it means rich and the opposite of rich is poor. I hope Daddy did not mean we were poor like Mommy. Could you imagine my big house family in a shack like Mommy?

Daddy kept talking, "I was talking with one of old friends this week. His name is Lewis Murphy. He is a doctor. He lives in a small mountain town and works at a small hospital. He has a medical conference that will be in New York. That is not too far from Stoneybrook."

Andrew interrupted, "What does that have to do with our vacation?"

I glared at him for being rude. Daddy did not see me and answered, "I am getting there Andrew. Dr. Murphy has a family that lives with him too. He has his wife Olivia and he has a daughter Brooke who is sixteen, a son Jake who is thirteen and another daughter Kaila who is nine. His family thought it would be fun to come to New York with him but it is expensive. He and I came up with an idea. We decided to trade houses. He would come with his family and stay in our house. Then he could be near enough to New York to ride there on the train each day and he would not have to pay for an expensive hotel. His whole family could come with him. We would go to his house in the mountains and stay there."

Elizabeth smiles, "What a great idea! I know it will be fun."

Nannie spoke up, "I am afraid I cannot go, Watson. I have a big bowling tournament this month as well as several wedding receptions booked for my candy business."

Daddy nodded, "It is okay, Janet. I understand."

"I cannot go either," Charlie said. "I just started my new job and I do not think I can get time off."

Sam added, "Same here. My lawn care business has a lot of clients."

"I understand. Nannie will be here so it will be fine for the two of you to stay." Daddy told them.

Kristy said, "I was going to say I could not go because of babysitting but the club is supposed to have very low business this month. Everyone is on vacation and honestly I think a trip to the mountains will be fun. Are we able to invite friends?"

Daddy shook his head no, "Not this time, Kristy. I am sorry. We are just not able to afford vacations for all of your friends the way we used to be."

"I understand, Watson. That is fine. Most of them are on vacation or at camp. Dawn is back in California again." Kristy replied.

So it looked like Daddy, Elizabeth, Kristy, David Michael, Andrew, Emily and I would be the only ones going. It sounded like it would be fun. Mountains might have Bigfoot hiding in them. That made me think of a question.

"Daddy, where exactly are we going?" I asked him.

"Good question. Dr. Murphy is a doctor in a town called Morton in Washington state. He lives in the mountains near there. His house is on a beautiful piece of property with forest and mountain views. There are a lot of things we can do in the area." Daddy told me.

I gasped. Washington! Just like on the last episode of _Seeking Sasquatch. _ It looked like my dreams were coming true and I did not even have to ask. I could hardly wait for dinner to be done so I could Google Morton, Washington. I snuck a look at David Michael and he grinned at me. I knew he was just excited as I was.

After a dessert of Oreo cookies and vanilla ice cream, David Michael and I helped our family clean up the kitchen. Then we scampered off to use the computer.

David Michael stared at the screen with his mouth wide open when our search results came up, "Karen, we are going to be near where the episode of _Seeking Sasquatch _we saw earlier today was. Morton is in Lewis County. There are so many sasquatch sightings in the Cascade mountains. I think we are going to have a good chance of finding Bigfoot."

I leaned in to get a closer look at the screen, "I think you are right, David Michael. I knew Daddy would take us on vacation."

"Yes and you did not even have to ask. It was all his idea." David Michael replied.

"Yes we are gigundo lucky. I cannot wait to go. I wonder how we will get there." I wondered aloud.

"Probably we will go on a plane. I like flying." David Michael suggested.

"I hope we will fly. Then we will get there sooner. I am just worried because Daddy said he does not have as much money as he used to have."

"Do not worry, Karen. I am sure my mom and your dad will figure it would." David Michael sounded very sure of himself.

"I hope you are right." I was really too excited to worry for long. We were going to be looking for Bigfoot right in his backyard. I could not wait to get started.


End file.
